Sponge bath it is.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
