i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
