There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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