No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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