i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
