He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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