tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
