he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
