Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
