I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
