You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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