I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
