he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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