i may or may not be watching the land before time
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
