We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
