hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
