We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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