there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
