he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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