Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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