I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
