I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
