Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
