I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
