We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
a search helicopter?!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
