dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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