I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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