i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
