her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Randomize
