Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
