i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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