Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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