I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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