I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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