next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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