booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sext me about skeletons
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
