Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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