HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
