I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
