Sponge bath it is.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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