He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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