tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
