my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
