Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
