If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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