You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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