and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
COCAINE IS GR8
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