The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
