suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
