i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Two words: nipple clamps
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