Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
