I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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