Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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